Alright folks, let’s begin. My list of celebrity crushes from the ages of 7-17. I won’t tell you current ones (I’m 20 for those who don’t know, and Indian with lots of issues) because I like to be mysterious and entice my audience (four old dudes and one tranny).
***Side note, weird that I get a lot of traffic on the blogger platform from England & Wales & Scotland. I see what you’re doing, you filthy rascals. Just ask me out on an Internet date already!***
Annnnyways, here is a list of famous people that I’ve fancied. I would do real life people, but I think that’s illegal. When I grow up, I’m going to marry them all. And we’ll all live a polyamrous and very PC life. Yay!
1. Johnny Depp- oh god~~~ first cut is the deepest~~~ 7 y/o I already had a thing for the daddies.
Come on, he was a fuggin pirate. Definition of bad boy + charm of a Chinese diplomat. The vagina remembers.
And if we’re all still being honest Assholes, he can spousal-ly abuse me any time (no prenup).
Also I like him purely because of his eyebrows and how sweet he was to that little girl in The Fall (FYI stalkers, this is my fave movie, write that down).
3. Michael Fassbender- Half Irish, half German. Full Nazi. Still a little guilty about this one.
Oops.
4. Cillian Murphy- Looks exactly like my first ever IRL crush from middle school and also plays a lot of murders (boys, tip!!!), which is crazy hot for femmes. Don’t ask me why.
5. Seal- Yum. That’s all.
6. Edward Norton- What another Nazi. Awk. No, he’s just a really fucking great actor, talented to the max.
7. Russell Brand- IDK he seems drunk most of the time (alcoholics are low maintenance and are into BDSM by virtue of being abusive). Weirdly not-funny, but he’s just odd (see #1) so I like that.
8. Jack Whitehall - Common theme, terrible hipster comedians (did not include Anthony Jeselnik because he really seem like a douche, but a rose-scented douche). Number 8 has a lot of ties: the dad-looking from Flight of the Concords and the Moss from the IT crowd.
10. The entire cast of Veronica Mars- the dialog on that show still makes me drip. Like solid writing you guys, hilariously witty. Very nostalgic.
I did not include the ladies, because that’s just gayy. And this list is 90% white men because there's no diversity in media (I'll fuck you up if you disagree). Tell me about your childhood crushes. I know silly topic, but whatever we need some fluffers/fillers.*Twirls away*
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