Containing Your Crazy

You know sometimes when it’s quiet and you can sort of hear you mind humming like a 1950’s refrigerator? Your senses are heightened, but there’s no need for it, I just look to the sky and curse my Neanderthal ancestors and stupid “evolution”.

(JK I went to school in Canada)

Well for me, it’s when people’s faces seem to morph into weird shapes and the world feels unreal and I begin to question if I’m awake or not. That stuff is scary. I’m not saying I’m special or anything, but I’d probably be the girl who banged her head against the desk all class if I didn’t carefully contain my crazy.

So here is a list of my life hacks to make sure no one (especially a potentially rich spouse) will ever find out how rape  asylum worthy you are.

1.     At the grocery store...

Do: Pick out your favourite box of Captn’ Crunch

Do not: Ram head first into a stack of cereal boxes because you want to watch the world burn. Besides some min wage jockey will have to clean that up. I'm crazy, not a douche *chortle* 

2.     When breaking up with your boyfriend...

Do: Pack up everything from your shared home and leave in the cover of night. You’re saving yourself a 14-year marriage, which ends up with one of you at the end of a noose.

Do not: Call the police. You don’t need witnesses to your dysfunctional relationship. Worse yet, DO NOT livejournal your fights. Those are best saved for the noncon section of Literotica. 

3.     When writing a diary...

Do: MAKE SURE NO ONE EVERY FINDS THAT SHIT. Unless you’ve experienced some Ann(((e))) Frank level oppression. Or you know, it would make for a good incest expose.

Do not: Read bits of it out loud in the only English class you’ll take in uni. No one will ask you out for like 3 months. True story only English Class has bangable men.  On the other hand, I totally scored my prof’s digits (hey Brian).

4.     When making friends online...

Do: See below

Do not: Just don’t.

5.     When meeting new people...

Do: Pretend to interested in everything they say

Do not: Tell them they’re boring you and leave (they won’t like you much after that)

So those are just some things I have written on a post it beside me. And I thought it would be helpful for any fellow NEETs.

I'm ESL. I only know English because of Comedy Central. 

CoolCoolCool. K. Bye.